anaheim-- here i come.
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... and a wave of nostalgia hits me.
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for the first time in my entire life, i wish that summer would not come too soon.
now there really is something wrong with me. i hate this.
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how many times must i be broken in order to be fixed back correctly?
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oh, my god. i hate people with identity crises. i absolutely loathe them.
i really think it's my pet peeve, seriously. when someone can't even think for themselves. everything you say is what they're most likely to say, because well, frankly, they don't have anything else to say. and it pisses the hell out of me.
so i went downtown today, and i was browsing through tower records (overpriced!). my roommate came along, and bless her heart: she is one to fit under my pet peeve category. now, i'm a pretty hardcore evanescence fan. i probably own all their songs and have seen most of their footages. i am the california representative for their street team, and really; if you knew me any, you wouldn't disagree that i am a huge fan of evanescence. well, i listen to them all the time in my dormroom, singing along, analyzing their lyrics... and what do you know. my roommate snatches a copy of their cd, fallen, and walks out all happy. i tell her, "man, i'm rubbing off on you," (hello? this is me trying to tell you how much you're pissing me off...) and she's like, "no... not really." right. so i test her (i know... cunning. but this kind of thing really pisses me off). i ask her, "what's your favorite song on their cd?", because she claims that she has listened to the whole cd many times over. she looks at the back of the cd cover (which, by the way, is an unnecessary action if someone has listened to a cd "many times over"), and replies, "i like how #6 sounds." "how does it go again?" "uhm... yeah, i haven't listened to any of their songs for a long time." "no, you have; you listen to my immortal online all the time." "yeah, but not any of their other songs. i used to have them all on the computer." "so why don't you just download it again?" "i want the cd like a real fan." i wanted to smack her.
so we're walking along, and i ask her, "do you really know their songs?" and of course, she replies, "yeah." "so you like, #6, right?" "yeah..." "why?" "... i don't know, it... i just like it." "man! how does it go? (and this is me pretend to not know how my tourniquet goes)" "uhm... i don't remember... besides, i didn't get to listen to the whole song, to top it off..." "... didn't you say you've listened to their cd many times?" "... yeah, but..." i am so pissed.
WHY do people do that? why the hell can't they do anything themselves? you know... this is not the only time she's done this. she's also copied my favorite disney movies (which happen to be the lion king and lilo & stitch), my favorite disney characters, my hobbies, my favorite color, my favorite number, my favorite mousse, my favorite shampoo and conditioner, my favorite tv show, my favorite collections (of sobe bottle caps and guitar picks), my favorite candy, my favorite music. i feel like i'm losing my identity without my consent. what the fuck.
not only does she copy me; she also lies about it. "no... i've liked them (evanescence) for a long time." then why don't you know their song titles, bitch? man; i am so sick and tired of her being me.
to look at it positively, it's flattering. someone thinks i am interesting and worth their time enough to be like me. i'ma trendsetter to them. but negatively speaking, it's annoying and they need a life. i don't want you and your half-developed mind to come and be a monkey, copying everything that i do and am. fuck this shit. she needs to back off...
it's easy to tell a poser from the real thing. i've been living with her for eight months now, and seriously... everything that i love has become hers as well. if she had liked something from the beginning, then when i bring it up, it would be obvious. but she had to beat around the bush and make up excuses as to why she didn't know anything about what i was talking about. that's not only identity theft, but also lying. and that combination really pisses me off.
i'm pissed. if you didn't catch that, then i didn't make myself clear enough.
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god, it's been way too long since my last update. i was starting to have withdrawals :)
so i was talking to my roommate, and i mention that there was a guy in my class who was wearing a purple dress shirt. she immediately responds, "he must be gay," and goes along with the story. it dawned on me only moments later, that all of us make generalizations in everyday life. there must be something that makes society comform to these kinds of comments. why is the color purple associated with homosexuals? similarly, why is the color pink juxtaposed with girls, and blue, with guys? where did all these generalizations come from?
it's so interesting how much you can interpret from a color. think green. a common link one would make with that color would be "rebirth, youth, immaturity". what about red? most people would yell, "love, passion, blood". and white? "light, purity, innocence"... right? at some point in your life (whether you want to admit it or not), you've made these generalizations. i'm not saying they're wrong; i'm just curious as to why this just... happens.
but once a generalization is made, it's hard to get rid of it. i wonder how long we've been doing this...
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shifting topics. i don't know why, but i've had this unparalleled affinity for the night hours for ages now. it started my sophomore year of high school, when staying up to finish homework became a task. but soon, this task became a ritual, a hobby that i could not get over. until this day, i stay awake, later than most everyone, and find something to do. but i don't have to be doing anything... i could just sit here for all i care. it's so tranquil, you know. moonlight outside, trickling in through the window... and there are so many stars up in the vast sky, i could never get bored of staring at them. my friend and i were standing outside last night, and we were reading constellations to each other. i knew some, so i taught him those. in return, he unveiled to me the ones i didn't know yet. and it was so peaceful. it relaxes you, just to look up and know that nature can be so nurturing. it makes me smile... and that's much more than i can ever ask for.
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and of course: happy mother's day, mom. i truly respect you and love you :)
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happiest birthday to mr. ryan skiles! :-D wow, you're old! heehee... have a wonderful day. and hope all your wishes come true.
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yay to the weekend :) this better be good...
i'm extremely sore from all the dancing i did on thursday. training is crazy. it's absolutely fun, but definitely a strenuous activity. my back is killing me! and i'm only nineteen! jeebus...
on another note, i was walking to class today, and i looked up at the sky. there was this cloud that looked like a dolphin jumping out of waves. and then i started to ponder exactly how much imagination one can lose as one grows and matures. imagination is a characteristic of childhood, but an amazing tool for the "matured" (whatever that means). with growing knowledge, the imaginations of the mind are left in the shadows. in place of imagination, knowledge is stored. and i thought to myself, "the more you know, the less we venture". it's quite sad, really. and when you're innocent and young, you have so many questions, so many new things to learn...
don't get me wrong; i'm a strong believer in the fact that we can never stop learning something new. i learn something new everyday. i'm just remembering those childhood days. good times. and we all have those pleasant memories stored somewhere.
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